Speakers discuss impact of gay marriage ban

By SUZAN CLARKE
THE JOURNAL NEWS
(Original publication: March 29, 2004)

NANUET — More than 1,800 federal and state rights and responsibilities are accorded to legally married couples, according to an activist in support of gay marriage.

Ross Levi, director of public policy and governmental affairs for Empire State Pride Agenda, told about 100 who gathered at Nanuet Public Library yesterday that a looming proposal to amend the federal Constitution to prohibit gay couples from marrying was disturbing to contemplate.

"I can't overstate how Draconian and dramatic the proposed constitutional amendment is," Levi said, urging people to make their voices heard by voting and contacting elected officials. "If it is passed, game over."

Levi's group and the Stonewall Democratic Club of Rockland County hosted the "town meeting" on same-sex civil marriages.

Four local families offered testimonials and local clergy and elected officials spoke. A discussion also outlined the differences between religious marriages and civil unions, and the current legal, political and cultural climate in the struggle for equal rights by those in the LGBT, or lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered community.

Mark and Jason Crescenzo of Stony Point talked about their lives together, saying they had been able to purchase real estate, cars and furniture jointly and with little problem.

"I think, on a daily basis, we didn't face discrimination. We've had a lot of luck," Mark Crescenzo said.

Until it was time to adopt their daughter, Tahlia Rae, 2. The adoption papers could not be in both their names, Mark Crescenzo told the packed room.

Each man also worried because the other could not receive certain legal benefits from the other, and were having documents drawn up to try to cover every eventuality.

"It's just not fair, basically. It's just not fair," Mark Crescenzo said.

Christina and Ileana Meneses-Diaz of Pomona have been together for eight years and married last year, but said they don't get the same respect and acknowledgement as heterosexual married couples do.

In addition to legal name changes, they obtained powers of attorney, health-care proxies and wills, said Christina Meneses-Diaz, describing herself as practical to the point of obsession, especially about the couple's finances.

She travels a great deal on business, saying she has a ritual she conducts each time before she leaves.

"I walk around my office to all 15 people that work there and I say 'I love Ileana, I really, really love her, and if anything happens ... if worst comes to worst, I want you to go to court and tell the story of what our relationship is about,'" she said.

Rights not granted to gay couples because they are banned from marriage include survivor's benefits, marriage tax bonuses, inheritances, the right to make burial decisions, and parental, pension and immigration rights, Levi said.

Chip James of Piermont was especially concerned about the denial of immigration benefits to a same-sex partner.

He told the audience that he was carrying a picture of his partner in his heart because the man had to return to Paris after losing his job in the financial industry two years ago.

James placed a framed photograph of himself with his partner on a table in front of the audience, then spoke about frequent trips to see his partner, telling people that despite the apparent novelty of Paris, "the Atlantic ocean is quite a commute, I can tell you."

"You really don't want to have to go to Paris to see the person you're in love with," he said.

He also recalled becoming very angry during a recent doctor's visit. He was asked to fill out a form in which he was requested to circle his marital status.

The form offered the choices "single, married, divorced or widowed," he said, "and I was furious ... sitting in this doctor's office, because even that form did not have room for me."

The last testimonial came from Mimi Goodman, whose son is gay.

Goodman, an active member of PFLAG — Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays — said her son and his partner are as normal as any couple.

"My son always falls asleep before the end of any movie that they watch," she said, adding that her "illegal son-in-law" loved to shop at the dollar store.

She and her husband had different dreams for their children, she said.

"I don't think for a moment we thought we would have a child that had fewer civil rights than we have had," Goodman said.